Tag Archives: The University of Texas San Antonio

#SoCS Feb. 9/19 -Consciously, Honestly, Totally

Everyone who knows me, through personal interaction, my different social media outlets and of course those of you that follow this blog, knows that I am an open book. Sometimes I am comedic, serious, emotional, and heartfelt. I feel that I write my best when writing consciously, totally and honestly about anything that I’m writing – especially about my ever-continuous journey in recovery and unfortunate relapses over the years.

So why would today be any different? Since September 14, 2016, the day that I turned 50, the struggle has been real. I cannot even count how many times that I have relapsed and entered back into the fray of recovery. I can say the most definitive date was on my 50th birthday when I threw away 2 1/2 years of being clean and sober. After that, although I had already been working with my psychiatrist and my chemical dependency counselor on my bipolar affectation disorder and my depression, I went into an extremely deep depression that cost me a job that I had returned to after almost 2 years of being gone from The University of Texas at San Antonio where I had previously been employed for six years prior to my addiction and alcoholism costing me that job.

Today, I am extremely pleased to say that once again, I have a new true 30 days of being clean and sober. This time is different because my psychiatrist Dr. Cervando Martinez lit a fire up under my butt. I am currently working with Social Security on an appeal, and he told me that if I do not remain clean and sober while remaining compliant with my medications for my depression and bipolar along with my HIV/AIDS meds (for which I’ve been thriving not just surviving for 22 years), then Social Security will continue to deny my application.

You see my concern is that I not only suffer the above, I have also been suffering from chronic pain in both my lumbar and cervical spine for well over eight years. I obviously cannot venture into prescribed painkillers due to my history with addiction and unfortunately over-the-counter medications do not work.

So right now, on today February 9th, 2019 I say to you my followers that “JUST FOR TODAY, I WILL REAMIN CLEAN AND SOBER!!” You see in a Global Steps Alcoholic Anonymous video meeting this morning on InTheRooms.com I heard the greatest thing, a sharer stated as a matter of fact, “I can’t think about more than 30 minutes ahead.” I will say, that I’m not to that extreme, but I cannot think past today. I cannot think about tomorrow, next week, next month or even the next six months to a year. If I begin to look past the nose on my face towards tomorrow or any other time in the future, I truly am consciously, dishonestly and totally setting myself up for failure and relapse.

I can consciously, honestly and totally say that I know for a fact that my husband and four legged children, are constantly better served and loved when I am not drinking or using. I also know that even though I have all these lifelong health issues, I can remain very productive in my house.

 

I can also consciously, honestly and totally say unequivocally that the love of my husband and our four-legged children Chrissy, Little Bitty (our grandaughter), Zailey, Sadie and Stichy are the best motivators along with my faith and support of my family within the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and of course my family in the cities League City, SHore Acres, Seabrook and Texas City, Texas and McDonald, Tennessee.

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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Feb. 9/19

Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge: Ego

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge

Ego, sometimes I love the word and sometimes I hate the word. As a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict thriving, not just surviving HIV/AIDS for over 21 years with bipolar disorder/depression and being married to my husband Cruz for over 17 years – my ego can be a HORRIBLE double edge sword.

At first glance when you meet me, you might think – wow he has it together. You might be right on that particular day or you could be wrong because as a person in recovery with several chronic conditions, I have learned to wear an incredible false exterior mask. While I am proud of who I am in all of my many facets, sometimes I also hate myself, that is when my anti-ego is not in check.

I am strong person with a very strong Catholic faith, which has faltered many times over the years because of my alcoholism and addiction, that knows that he is loved by his husband and family, my family and numerous friends that I have had for years. I have been told that I am an excellent, powerful lector during mass along with having a strong voice in our 8am choir. I have also been told that I am an excellent cook. While all of these things are great, I don’t take compliments well because I don’t feel I deserve them. Often my comedic barrier pops out when I receive compliments.

I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my ego. I received my B.A. in Communication in December 2007 and two days after the ceremony 12/17/2007 I began working full time for the University of Texas at San Antonio. I remained at the University is two different roles until August 2013 when I caused me to be fired because of my EGO and my alcoholism and cocaine addiction. During my last two years, until the last few months, I was very much so a functioning alcoholic/addict. Mind you during this time I also earned a M.A. in Communication, a lot of the work was done while I was drinking and using.

During my six years I built a lot of important relationships both internally and externally. I served on several committees tasked the betterment of the university. I attended many meetings with the president of the university and his leadership. I was damn good at my job. That was until my ego got the best of me and I began to believe I was untouchable. Big mistake, huge. So yes, I was fired.

For two and a half years I applied to 46 postings and had 9 interviews with my alma mater and beloved UTSA.  This was all done as I working on my recovery and had almost 11/2 years sober. My family and friends all said why, you will never get hired back. I proved them wrong. On 7/1/2015 I returned to the University of Texas at San Antonio with the Institute for P-20 Initiatives. When I returned, it was as if I had never left. The relationships that I had built and nurtured previously with other departments, divisions and external relationships picked up where they left off. I again was asked to join those same committees. I was known and loved by my colleagues. yes, again I was damn good at my job and my superiors were impressed by how easily I could take a very bad situation and correct it with ease because of my nurtured relationships. Here my bold ego is talking.

Then life happened and my ego kept telling me I was great and I untouchable and that hey, one drink won’t hurt you. from January 4, 2016 to May 27, 2016 Cruz and I lost five of our 10 dogs Tippy, Buddy, Fluffy, Minnie (Doodle) and Patty due to many different reasons. Then on September 14th 2016 I turned 50. The Sunday before I had a FANTABULOUS 50th birthday party with all of my family in from the Houston area and loads of friends. On my birthday proper I took a half day with no plans. My disease kicked in and I sabotaged 2 1/2 years of sobriety. I hit all my haunts and did all the things I used to do. In the end, this carried on through to early January with my being out on leave through January and then being able to resign on 2/16/2017.

It has been rough haul since, but one this is for certain – my EGO is in check and will remain so with the help of my Higher Power, whom I call God!!

This is what is in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!

 

 

#JusJoJan Daily Prompt – January 9th, 2018 – Coffee

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This post is part of #JusJoJan Daily Prompt – January 9th, 2018 – Coffee.

What a prompt! I have worked with many folks over the years who would agree with my husband Cruz that you do not want to be around me if I have not had my coffee. For the eight years that I worked for The University of Texas at San Antonio, I used to say every year that I was giving up coffee for Lent. I kid you not, every year there was a collective groan and plea from all of my staff in each the department I was working in, don’t you dare!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I like all types of coffee. I like flavored coffees. I also like to take different flavored coffees, mix them together and create a hybrid coffee blend and so far I have not created any that I just could not drink and they have been pretty good.

Have a great day and enjoy a big ole cup of coffee or a pot! I have to go now to drink my coffee and take down the Christmas decorations.

This is what is in “My Rattled Cage” today!!