Tag Archives: In The Rooms

#Socs 98/5/20 – “Sharp as a …..”

Today Linda has given us “sharp” as our prompt for this week’s #SoCS.

When I was younger I would be called sharp as a whip. As I became a teenager I became sharp as a pencil. As I moved through adulthood i was ranging from being sharp as a tack to being as sharp as a double edged sword with my fiery tacky sense of humor at times along with my very sharp tongue.

Today I deal a different type of sharpness. You see I have always been a go-getter especially when it comes to my work ethic. I currently find myself being called sharp in how I work, but I am also being called eager. Eager can be both a positive and a negative meaning that it can definitely be a sharp double edged sword.

The other double edged sword that I have to be very careful with is my recovery. I am very cognoscente that I must not stand still in my recovery, If I do I will be cut by that edge of the sword that cares nothing about me and my recovery.

September is National Recovery Month. We all know I am an open book and I am proud that I am in recovery! The last few years have been a struggle, but I am so proud to say I have 8 months of sobriety today. Unfortunately it took my husband Cruzer having open heart surgery in December of 2019 and me not taking it well for me to really wake up, but I am woke!

I am blessed to have a huge support network in my family, friends and my fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. But it is important to note that the number one thing that I have in my recovery is my Higher Power whom choose to call GOD!

If you know someone who is struggling with any type of addiction please let them know about a really great supplement to face to face meetings. In The Rooms that has meetings all day everyday for almost every type of addiction you can think of. I have a home group online Global Steps AA, that has a total of 64 meetings per week and just happens to meet in the church of In The Rooms!!!

So in order for me to be sure and handle the edge of the sword that does care about my recovery the way that I do, I do some pretty simple steps. I remain sharp as a tack in regards to my character defects coming to the surface and nip them in the bud. I thank my higher power whom I choose to call God every morning for allowing me to wake up and not just come to. I am in constant contact with my sponsor. I am currently working on my 4th step.

I love doing service, in fact I truly believe that in 2016 when I turned 50, the whole reasoning behind my major relapse and then continuing to have issues with relapse and recovery – was because I had gotten mad at folks in my home group the Goliad Group and my online group – and I quit doing any type of service.

You see, I always say, I cannot keep what I do not give away freely!!!!!! That is a true statement if I am doing some sort of service for my fellow alcoholics then I cannot keep my sobriety. Today I chair meetings at my face to face home group and in my online home group. I share in every meeting that I can, because I never know who I will touch with my words of experience, strength and hope.

So as long I continue to work this sharp program of recovery, I WILL REMAIN SHARP AS A TACK!!!!

That’ what’s in MY Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

Late – #SoCS 7/18/20 – Link

This week Linda gave us the prompt of “link” for #SoCS. First of all I need to link my mental being with my writing being so that every Friday I read my email from Linda for #SoCS so that I write it either on Friday or first thing Saturday morning.

This week, I really do have a good excuse for being late. A few weeks ago I began working a new job at the University of the Incarnate Word and I had quit my job at 7-11 with the understanding I could be on call if they needed me on Friday or Saturday nights graveyard. That happened this week. So, Friday afternoon I got off at 5PM and went to bed for 4 1/2 hours and then went to work from 10PM to 6AM, came home and chaired an online meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous from 7AM – 8AM and then went to bed for 12 hours.

The day slipped away and it was not until this morning that I made a link that yesterday was Saturday and I again missed my writing a #SoCS post. I really am working to get better at making sure I link Saturday with writing at least one post, the one that matters – #SoCS.

That being said, I have made a very important link about me and my continued sobriety. I recently started serving as a chairperson of the Beginners meeting at the Goliad Group my home group and I recently got elected as the secretary of the group. I also began serving again as a chairperson for my online home group Global Steps AA that happens to just meet in the church of In The Rooms. I currently have one standing meeting per week that I am the chair of and I humbly accepted when two other chairpersons asked me to sub for them until they are ready to return to their meetings.

The link that I have made is that about a month before my 50th birthday on September 14th , 2016 I stopped doing any type of service work at my home group and my online home group after almost 2 1/2 years of sobriety. Because of this the dynamic of my sobriety changed, I had become prideful and I had lost my humility where it came to my sobriety. Because of this I know for a fact that there is a link between service work and sobriety. the link is this I CAN NOT KEEP WHAT I DO NOT GIVE AWAY FREELY!!!!

Today I know the ANSWER to my continued sobriety is HUMILITY, SELF-LOVE, SERVICE, the suggested program of Alcoholics Anonymous and my HIGHER POWER whom I choose to call God. I wanted to close with an excellent reminder from one of my favorite contemporary Cristian rock artists Jeremy Camp. Please enjoy this video of “The Answer”.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!

Very Late #SoCS 6/13/20 – Nail

I apologize for posting this entry for #SoCS for 6/13/20, for which Linda provided the prompt of NAIL on Wednesday 6/17/20, however I have been wanting to write this post but I just did not have a chance to do so until now. A lot happened in the last week that has definitely been a great thing. Since losing my job on May 28th I have been utilizing every job site and even stepped out of my box and applied at 7-11 and Circle K.

Long story short I applied to a local 7-11 franchise store and the owner texted me on Wednesday 6/10 and asked me to come in. I went in on Thursday morning 6/11, they spoke to me for five minutes and then handed me a new hire packet which I brought home and filled out. I returned the packet a little later that morning and that afternoon, I was the schedule for Friday from 8 AM – 4 PM. I did my first day of training on Friday and then Friday I was asked to go in for my normal graveyard shift because someone had called in, and I did. I am adjusting to the new work schedule as well as new sleep schedule while still maintaining my normal activities to ensure I do not allow the proverbial nail of drinking to creep into my mind.

As I often write about the fact that I am and will always be an alcoholic. My being an alcoholic is not the nail in my framework or the proverbial coffin. That nail becomes real if I ever begin to think that I have this disease licked or if I ever determine that I drink like a normal person. If I ever pick up that first drink I will truly be putting that nail into my coffin because, while I may have another drunken bender in me – I do not have another recovery in me and I do I believe that the disease of alcohol will kill me before the HIV/AIDS that I have thriving with, not just surviving with for 23 years or anything else that is within my control.

As long as I am doing the right things – talking to my sponsor, attending both face to face with the Goliad Group or the LAMBDA Group here in San Antonio and online meetings of Global Steps Alcoholics Anonymous on In The Rooms, doing service in those groups by chairing meetings – greeting in meetings – and sharing in meetings, continuing in my Catholic faith and asking my Higher Power whom I choose to call God to help me each day JUST FOR TODAY to help keep me sober and to do HIS WILL and not my own, and thanking my Higher Power at the end of the day for doing so – then I will be able to ensure that the proverbial NAIL of alcoholism and taking that first drink will not come.

So today “No Matter What It Takes” I will do it to ensure that I do not put that proverbial NAIL in any aspect of my life. Please enjoy this lyric video of Jeremy Camp’s No Matter What It Takes.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#SoCS 4/4/2020 – Deep

This weeks prompt from Linda G. Hill for #SoCS is “DEEP”.

When I think of the word deep, I can not help but think of how deep I have been in my alcoholism and cocaine addiction over the last ten years. But along with that, is how much deeper I have gotten into my recovery every time that I have relapsed after losing 2 1/2 years of sobriety on my 50th birthday on September 14, 2016.

Yesterday I celebrated a new 90 days of sobriety. With the COVID-19 pandemic going on, I was not able to pick up a 90 day chip because there are no face 2 face meetings here in San Antonio, Texas or anywhere across the country and in most countries. I will pick one up when my home group opens back up for meetings.

I am really growing in my recovery through attending my online meetings of Global Steps AA which meets in the online recovery meeting place In The Rooms. There is so much deep love and deep support for individuals from all over the globe in my online home group.

It amazes me that today I am working one job, I begin another job on 4/24/20 and I just interviewed again with my beloved The University of Texas at San Antonio for a major position that I would love to have. My husband of 19 years is recovering beautifully form his open heart surgery that was done on 12/17/19 and is working to being his normal self. My staying clean and sober one day at a time is going to push me very deep into my recovery and I see the 9th Step Promises coming true. I am felling bLESSED and HIGHLY Favored because of my deep faith in my Higher Power whom I choose to call God!!

So today, while the song Starting Over by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis does not have deep in the title, it does express where I am and where I am going!!

Please note that the lyrics in this song are graphic!

That’s what’s in  My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

 

In Recovery? Need a meeting? Here is a supplemental tool for your toolbox

I send my thoughts, hugs and prayers to all who are being affected by the issues with COVID 19. If you are in recovery, as I am,  from any type of addiction and your face to face meetings at your home group have been cancelled for the time being, there is a great alternative and supplement to face to face meetings.

Please visit In The Rooms, where you will find meeting rooms for pretty much every type of addiction. I am a member and I also have my online home group Global Steps AA which has 64 meetings per week on In The Rooms. God bless and remember it is ONE DAY at a TIME and JUST FOR TODAY!!!

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#LifeHappens

So, I haven’t posted a regular blog post since July 19th, 2019. If you have read my blog in the past, you know that it is a very personal blog having to do with many topics most of which deal with my struggles with relapse and journeys into recovery from alcohol abuse and cocaine abuse.

This post is no different. Since July I have definitely had my struggles with alcoholism. That being said, I have not had a desire nor have I used cocaine since November 2018.

I currently have 70 days sober and I believe that this time is very different because of some very stressful things that happened to my husband of 19 years. In October we learned that he had 85% or higher blockage in three arteries which led to triple bypass surgery on December 17th, 2019. I handled the surgery well and Cruz came out with awesome results. The surgery took less time than expected and he was released from the hospital in 4 days.

I was fine for the first week and then on Christmas Eve while Cruz was starting his recovery at his mother’s for the next six weeks, I had the bright idea to go out to a bar at 11:30PM. I did not go to the bar to hook up, I just needed to be around people, and I did close the bar. When I left I ended up getting Cruz’s truck stuck in a ditch, no damage to the vehicle but I had to have it winched out the next morning. I did not go see him and his mother on Christmas Day because of the shame and guilt I felt for going out and the truck issue.

I did go see him on his birthday 12/30 and we did our Christmas and his birthday. I took him and his mother a full spaghetti dinner. On New Year’s Eve I had vowed I was not going to drink because I had to open my Dollar General Store at 8AM on New Year’s Day. Well that did not work out and I never made it to work and was terminated. When I went to drop off my store keys on 01/02, as I was pulling out of the parking lot I was so upset and not paying attention that I hit a light pole as I was leaving and did damage the front right headlight and hood area of Cruz’s truck. I was not drinking when this happened.

I again isolated for two days and drank like a fish because of shame and guilt. On January 3rd, I had my last drink and I have been working a strong program. I am making online meetings at In The Rooms and I have found a new home group LAMBDA Group that I started attending on January 09th and saw someone I have known for years pick up their 20 Year Chip. I am loving this group and make a face to face at least once a week. After that first LAMBDA Group meeting I went to Luby’s where I had worked before and had applied recently and spoke to the General Manager. He Hired me and I started on 1/10/2020.

Since this time Cruz has returned home to me and his babies Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Sadie and Stitchy. He doing very well and has since retired from his job with Christus Santa Rosa Children’s Hospital of San Antonio where he has been employed as Medical Laboratory Chemistry Technician for 45 years. I am about to embark on a new position with Qualfon on March 30 because I have found that my body is no longer cut out for the strenuous work involved in the cafeteria back of the house business.

Someone said in a meeting the other day that another person can not keep you sober. While this is true, I can tell you that another person can help just by being there. Since Cruz has been home and even when he was working and was off I do not have those depressive feelings of loneliness and desire to drink or even use. I cannot explain it and no it is not because he can stop me, if I really wanted to I would find a way.

So today I am blessed to have 70 days sober, for the most I part am extremely healthy  and I am looking forward to my new adventure and hopefully writing more as I will be working a stable schedule of M-F 7Am – 4PM.

That’ what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#SoCS & #FOWC 3/2/19 – Celerity and the Case for it!!!

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Throughout every one of my chronic relapses my husband, family and friends often tried to make the case  for why I needed to make changes in my live with celerity and to quit dinking and other things if that were the case.

It was not until I decided in the same spirit of celerity that I made the case for me to return to recovery from alcoholism and addiction that I decided again, once and for all to return to face to face meetings and my online video meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous with In The Rooms and Global Steps AA along with getting back to a daily routine of activities that keeps me busy and reminds me that I do not need to drink just for today!!

I know that every day that I do not drink or otherwise is a miracle and I thank God everyday for waking me up. I ask him to help me to remain clean and sober just for the day. At the end of the day I tell him thank you for his assistance in the day!!

Just for today, I will remain clean and sober!!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

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This post is part of #SoCS and #FOWC for 3/2/19!!

Blogging from A to Z April 2018: Rarely/Rigorous

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. – Chapter 5 “How It Works” – The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous – Fourth Edition, p. 58 

When I attend a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, whether face to face or an online meeting with Global Steps AA on In The Rooms an online meeting place, I love having the opportunity to read “How It Works”.  This important reading is an important reminder that yes I can continue on my journey of recovery if I am rigorously honest with myself and others regarding my alcoholism and addiction to cocaine. That being said, life can happen so often that the rigorous honesty can and will take a back seat which in turn will cause either slips or full relapses. I have had both happen.

When a slip or full relapse happens, it is normally caused by my own inability to deal with whatever life has been dealing me. I am ever reminded that all I have to do to deal with life’s dealings is to get into a meeting or two, three or four on any given day to be reminded by my fellows tat yes – rarely have we seen a person fail in our program if they are rigorously honest with themselves and others. I am truly blessed to call Alcoholics Anonymous my group that keeps me honest so that I am not one of those rare cases.

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!!

The Daily Post – Lecture

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This post is part of The Daily Post – 2/13/2018.

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As a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict I cannot tell you how many times I heard the lecture from my husband,  family, friends, my infectious diseases physician and mental health professionals about my needing to quit.

My husband’s lecture was always the normal ultimatum and threat of kicking me out of our house or sending me to jail.

My family and friend’s lecture was always about how I have so much to live for and all the things I would miss if I were to die of an overdose or alcohol poisoning.

My physician and mental health professional’s lecture was always about, you guessed it, how the alcohol abuse and cocaine abuse were affecting my physical and mental health. Along with this was the added reminder about how my alcoholism and cocaine addiction were going to take their toll on my HIV/AIDS viral load and T-Cell count. Which for all the abuse my body has taken just in the last 6 years, I am still non-detectable and my T-Cells are still above 700 – so I have been extremely lucky!

Do you ever lecture yourself? I bet you do, either aloud or silently. For me, my lecture to myself this time around was the best lecture of them all. You see I am a very faithful Catholic who truly believes that I have the best life coaches in my corner in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. While yes my faith has faltered at times, I always find my way back.

The most important thing that I can share in regards to recovery of any addiction is this. The individual entering into recovery can not be doing it for the wrong reasons – even though they may seem like the right reasons. For instance, we cannot enter recovery to please our family, friends, physicians, or our mental health professionals. We cannot enter recovery because of what we are afraid of losing. We must, as I did for the second time in 4 years, determine that we are “tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired”.  Then we must take the ever painstaking steps to work on our recovery. I am a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous  as well as being a member of Global Steps AA a video AA meeting group on the hosting site In The Rooms. These groups and programs continue to guide me through my continued recovery – because I want them to.

Four years ago today I began my first journey through recovery because of every single reason above six months after losing my job that I loved with the University Career Center at The University of Texas at San Antonio. I loved being clean and sober. My life was coming back together and I even went back to work at my beloved University of Texas at San Antonio with the Institute for P-20 Initiatives. In May 2016 I threw away 2 years and 3 months of being clean and sober because of life. The downward spiral just continued to through the summer. I was still working and loving my job of over one year and then on September 14th, 2016 I turned 50 and I have no idea what happened to cause the hurricane that was a comin. I visited my old haunts and got drunk off my butt and bought a whole mess of cocaine and then I was off to the races. I didn’t return to work until mid October because of continued illnesses being caused by my being off to the races.

The craziness continued and of course I lost my job with the university on February 16, 2017 for a different reason other than my addictions but in essence caused by them. Does that make sense?  I continued to enjoy, as I believed, all the drinking and drugging I was doing. In early April 2017 I attempted suicide by swallowing thirty trazodone pills while drinking heavily and doing coke. The attempt obviously did not work because folks are reading my writings. My Higher Power whom I choose to call God had and has different plans for me that are not meant for me to know.

I do know this, when I attended the ACTS Retreat 11/30 – 12/3 I meditated, I prayed and when it was all said and done I left my alcoholism and cocaine addiction on the Alter of the Tabernacle. This was on Saturday December 2nd. When I came home on Sunday I did walk to my store. I bought two 24 oz. cans of beer and a six pack of O’Doul’s Amber non alcoholic beer. That was the last day that I drank. On  the night of 12/3 I meditated and prayed for guidance and help with remaining clean and sober everyday moving forward. I am so proud and happy to say that the daily obsession and need to drink and or get high have left me. I am currently two months and 10 days clean and sober. I do it by reminding myself that JUST for TODAY I WILL REMAIN CLEAN and SOBER!!!

That is what is in My Rattled Cage today!!!!