Tag Archives: Higher Power

#SoCS 9/26/20 – Container

Linda has provided us with the prompt of container for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

There is nothing worse than trying to find lids to the containers in the plastic to go cabinet in the kitchen. Wait, there is something worse, when you specifically buy containers with lids that stack together and your husband refuses to fall in line with that practice.

I cannot tell you how many I say, “Mr. Herrera, I buy these types of containers because of their ability to help save space and to keep the containers and lids together in one simple place. You see on Sundays I cook Sunder dinner and I deliver food to some very special people – my mother in law, the Sisters of the Holy Spirit and some other friends of ours.

It is very annoying searching for containers and then not finding the lids because he has put them in a drawer where they don’t belong.

On a different topic, I am getting better a placing certain things that have come up in my recovery into different MENTAL containers, some would say compartments – but aren’t they really the same thing?

For example when the old resentment player decides to suddenly crank up, I shut it off and throw it back into the far reaches of the resentment container in the brain. I have been blessed that over the last 8 months and 22 days I have not had to throw the desire to drink into it’s mental container – because I haven’t had any desire to drink.

What I do have to make sure stays in their respective mental containers are my character defects of impatience, sometimes being impulsive, speeding (for which I just completed my Defensive Driving Course for getting a ticket for going 86 in a 70 on a country road in Eagle Lake, Colorado County, Texas on 9/5/20 when I went to see my family on a spur of the moment trip), finding faults in others that I do not like about myself. I could go on and on with this list.

How do I keep those things where they belong? I wake up every day and thank my Higher Power whom I choose to call God for waking mu ep and not just bringing me to. I ask for His guidance in all that I do by turning everything over to the care of God as I understand him. I make meetings whether online or face to face. I do the best right thing. I do not pick up that first drink. At the end the day I again thank my Higher Power for being my partner in recovery JUST FOR TODAY! I am continuing to work on my 4ht step and I am in constant contact with my sponsor and I have the best support system in the world.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage today, thanks for stopping by.

#SoCS 7/11/2020 – Send me an Angel

Today Linda has given us “SONG” as our prompt for #SoCS with the following: “First, find a picture–the closest one to you. Your prompt is the title and/or the lyrics of the first song that comes to mind when you look at the picture.”

This picture hangs above my desk on the left hand wall. It was given to me probably 15 years ago by one of my best friends Martha, she and I have been best friends since we worked together at SITEL Corporation in 1999. It is the first picture I saw as I read the prompt from Linda. The first song I thought of was Send Me An Angel by Real Life from 1983. The video below is from 1989 and the song and video were played widely in 1989 and 1990 when I first moved to San Antonio after being released to a halfway house.

In 1999, who would have thought that indeed I would be sent an angel in the form of my Cruzer. We met through friends in 1997 and then lost touch for a few years. He was going through a tough time in January 2001 when he called 411, you remember information – right, to find my number because he just needed a friend to talk to. It was like we picked up where we never even started or left off – and here we are almost 19 1/2 years later and we are still together.

He has seen me at my best and at my worst and yet he has loved me through it all. I could not ask for a better friend and husband. My Higher Power whom I choose to call God truly did send me an angel!!

Enjoy the music video below from Real Life. That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#SLS 07/5/20 – The Great Adventure

This week Jim has given us the prompts of Best/Better/Good/Great for #SLS. So, I have chosen Steven Curtis Chapman’s The Great Adventure. This song is just a constant reminder that if you have faith in a Higher Power, I just happen to call mine God, then you really are on a great adventure.

My great adventure has just surpassed the 6 month mark of SOBRIETY and I am loving this adventure as it is so much more this time. I am seeing things come true that weren’t even close to coming true when I had the previous 2 1/2 years of sobriety before I turned 50 in September of 2016. At that time I had quit doing service work in both my online meetings with Global Steps AA and my face to face meetings with my home group The Goliad Group. I have realized that that was the primary cause of my major relapse and then my continued roller coaster ride over the last 3 1/2 years. I am very proud and blessed to be on this GREAT ADVENTURE of RCOVERY!!

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

Lyrics

Saddle up your horses
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Started out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head
I thought I had to do today
Another time around the circle
Try to make it better than the last
I opened up the Bible
And I read about me
Said I’d been a prisoner
And God’s Grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages
It hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me
And I heard somebody say let’s go

Saddle up your horses
We’ve got a trail to blaze
Oh oh oh
Through the wild blue yonder of God’s Amazing grace
Let’s follow our leader into the Glorious unknown
This is the life like no other whoa whoa
This is the great adventure

Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh yeah, yeah

So come on, get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion
In a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons
Just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for, yeah

Saddle up your horses
We’ve got a trail to blaze
Oh oh oh
Through the wild blue yonder of God’s Amazing grace
Let’s follow our leader into the Glorious unknown
This is the life like no other whoa whoa
This is the great adventure

We’ll travel on, over mountains so high
We’ll go through valleys below
Still through it all we’ll find that
This is the greatest journey
That the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far
Beyond our wildest dreams

Saddle up your horses
We’ve got a trail to blaze
Oh oh oh
Through the wild blue yonder of God’s Amazing grace
Saddle up your horses
We’ve got a trail to blaze (we’ve got a trail we’ve got a trail to blaze)
Through the wild blue yonder of God’s Amazing grace
Let’s follow our leader into the Glorious unknown
This is the life like no other whoa whoa
This is the great adventure

Oh oh oh oh (this is the great adventure)
Oh oh oh oh (this is the great adventure)
Oh oh oh oh (this is the great adventure)

Saddle up, saddle up your horses

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Steven Curtis Chapman / Geoff Moore

Late – #1LinerWeds 7/1/20 – All Things New

As usual I am a bit late for my #1LinerWeds post. Crazy stuff has gone on in the last two weeks. more on that later.

As I approach 6 months of recovery this weekend I know that my Higher Power whom I choose to call God has made All Things New in me!! Enjoy this video of Anthony Evans performing his song.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

Late #SoCS 6/6/20 – Fan

This week Linda has given us the prompt of FAN for our #SoCS.

I started writing this post yesterday morning and then my best friend whose mother passed away on Friday called asked if I could come over and handle taking down her brush for the big brush pick-up on Monday 6/8. So of course, I dropped everything and spent almost 9 hours assisting my ride or die.

I am a huge fan of many things. Specific movies to include A Few Good Men, Goodfellas, Casino, A Time to Kill, Steel Magnolias, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, anything with Joan Crawford or Bette Davis. As evidenced by my posts I am a huge fan of many music genres to include country, jazz, contemporary Christian, and anything from the greatest music decade ever – the 1980’s.

I love to read my favorite author is John Grisham and I have read pretty much every book he has written and seen every movie that was made from a book of his.

I am a fan of remaining sober and working my program with my great sponsor and my Higher Power whom I choose to call God along with the assistance of my husband – who yes, I am a huge fan of and my family.

You what I am the biggest fan of? You guessed it my four legged babies. They love me UNCONDITIONALLY and if my husband got as excited about me walking in the door as they all do, that would be icing on the cake. The pictures below were all taken on Thursday evening 6/4/20 which just so happened to be Five months of sobriety for me.

#SLS 5/17/20 – 180

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This week Jim has given us the prompt of finding a song that includes a number for #SLS.

In many of my other posts I have written about my strong Catholic Faith along with many other aspects of my personal life. Today I have chosen a song by Jordan Feliz called “180”.  It is song about an individual asking for God to assist him in doing a 180 degree turnaround in their life and returning to remain in their faith.

This happens a lot to individuals like myself who suffer from the disease of alcoholism or any other addiction problems. But in order for a person to truly make that 180 degree turnaround they must truly do the work and have faith in a Higher Power that will be there through the good and the bad. I have truly turned my will back over to my Higher Power whom I choose to call God and I am happy that the 180 degree turnaround is happening in me and I am truly loving life and myself today.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

Lyrics
Father, can You hear me now?
I’m feeling like I’ve let You down
I’ve lost the strength to turn myself around
I really hope You hear me now
How’d I get so far away?
What if I outrun Your grace?
Can You replace these broken yesterdays?
And promise me I’m not too late
Call me home, I want to be Your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are
Tell me I am welcomed in
Show me mercy doesn’t end
Wash these muddy stains that marked my skin
And tell me I can start again
Call me home, I want to be Your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are
I can barely believe it
You’re racing to meet me
Your eyes filled with healing, oh
Restoring, redeeming
Forgiving, receiving
This is my beginning, oh
Call me home, I want to be Your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong (I belong)
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are
I’m running desperately, ooh
A hundred and eighty degrees, I’m back to where You are
A hundred and eighty degrees
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Colby Wedgeworth

Happy Mother’s Day!!! – 5/10/20

HappyMothersDay20

Today I write this post from my birthplace, Lamar, Missouri. I drove up yesterday so that I could lay flowers at my mother’s grave who passed 22 years ago today on May 10, 1998 which just so happened to be Mother’s Day.

This trip was one I needed to take because I have never been at my mother’s grave alone and so I have never had the chance to have a long conversation with her and tell her that I no longer blame her for all the things that happened to me as I was growing up nor for the choices that I have made as an adult. I have always held resentments towards her and my father because they did not know how to raise or handle a boy. I used to think they never wanted a boy.  I now truly believe my parents did the best they could with who they were and what they had.

I currently have a sobriety date of January 4, 2020. I can say that I see a definite change in my attitudes towards my resentments towards my parents, even my resentments towards myself in regards to my struggles with relapses and journeys into recovery from alcoholism and addiction to cocaine. While yes I do have the genetic gene I believe for alcoholism and other addictive behaviors, I am at a point now where I have turned everything over to my Higher Power whom I choose to call God. I am already beginning to see differences in my mental attitudes and my spirituality is just growing even stronger.

As long as I remember daily that I cannot drink like other people and I cannot pick up that first drink ever, then I will also remember that recovery is a JUST FOR TODAY program. I only have to live my life in recovery ONE DAY AT A TIME!! So, I have let go and I am letting God guide me for His will to be done daily and not my own. I am seeing those 9th Step Promises coming true!!

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#AtoZChallenge2020 – Fight on Fighter

F2020

I am loving participating in the 2020 #AtoZChallenge. So on my musical journey through the alphabet, I am sharing music that is in my extensive Apple Music collection. Today I have chosen For King and Country’s –  Fight on Fighter.

This song is so important to me because all my life I have been a fighter. Whether it be from when I was little dealing with never enough love from either parent, to their divorcing and my being sent to The Devereaux Foundation in Victoria, Texas for three years because one parent didn’t want me and the other could not handle me. To my struggles with committing stupid property crimes in my teens and going to the Texas prison system 3 different times by the time I turned 22. To my struggles with alcoholism and cocaine addiction during adulthood.  I have always been a fighter and my faith in my Higher Power whom I choose to call God has always got me through stronger than ever. Here I am at 53 and the 9th Step Promises are coming true because I am doing this ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

That’s what’s in  My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!

 

Lyrics

I was there on the day that you were changed
You were scared and prepared for the heartbreak
Everything you knew faded out of view
Stole a piece of you

If I could, oh, I would be a hero
Be the one who would take all the arrows
Save you from the pain, carry all the weight
But I know that you’re brave

Fight on, fighter
Don’t let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

There’s a part that you hold that you lock down
Let it breathe, give it wings, set it free now
Time to make ya walk, break the prison bars
Show them who you are

Fight on, fighter
Don’t let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

Stronger than you than you ever thought
I know you’re stronger
Braver than you were before
You know you’re braver
Oh, no, you don’t have to be afraid
Together we’ll face it
So don’t ever stop no matter what
‘Cause you’re gonna make it

Fight on, fighter
Don’t let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah
Fight on, fighter
Don’t let anyone steal your fire
Fight on, fighter
The Spirit is alive inside ya, yeah

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ben Backus / Ben Glover / Joel David Smallbone / Luke Smallbone / Mark Campbell / Tedd Tjornhom

One Liner Wednesday 3/20/19 – I Lay Down My Pride

Everyday I must remember to “lay down my pride” when dealing with anything that I think is unfair because I know that my Higher Power whom I chose to call God has my back!!!!

For your pleasure a little Christian Rock with Jeremy Camp’s – Lay Down My Pride!!

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

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One Liner Wednesday 3/20/19

#FOWC – Health (Physical, Emotional and Mental)

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Areas of Physical, Mental and Emotional Health

This post is a little late because I have just been lazy and tired the last couple of days. Part of that is because of dealing with a situation that threw me for a loop on Sunday morning at my normal parish church St. Cecilia Catholic Church in San Antonio, Texas. That is a different story and a different post.

When I saw this prompt, I thought how appropriate considering the weekend that I had had. I am very honest and open about being bipolar, fighting depression, recovering alcoholic and addict while also thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years. These aspects of my life make it vey clear that I have to be cognoscente and diligent in how I manage these three areas of my health. My physical, emotional and mental health have to be at the forefront of everything that I do.

I wish I could tell you which one of these three are the most important, but the truth is that everyday it varies. One day the depression can be so bad that the mental health takes center stage. Another day I can be so drained and tired even though I have done nothing that my physical health takes center stage. Then there are the days that the feelings are so manic that the emotional health takes center stage. Very seldom do all three aspects of my health take center stage together like the actors in a play at the end when they take their bows.

What I do know is that even when one aspect is taking center stage all three must be attended to or else my self will runs riot which is the reason I have had such a struggle with chronic relapsing over the years. My physical health is best when I am compliant with taking all of my medications as directed; when I exercise whether it be doing yard therapy or walking the dogs – which is therapy in itself, making sure that I am eating right. My current goal is to maintain my healthy weight of 180lbs and holding onto my size 34 waist – yes, I am bit vain when it comes to my weight. The highest I have been was almost 260lbs and I have fluctuated over the years with my most weight loss coming when I was deep into my addiction.

My mental health and emotional health while be separate, they are also extremely connected to each other. In order to maintain my mental health, again, I need to be compliant with my mental health medications. We recently simplified my regime so that I am not taking so many pills but an taking the exact same dosage. I also have to make sure that I am making all of my appointments with my chemical dependency therapist Stacy Jouffray and my psychiatrist Dr. Cervando Martinez. Another area that assists me with my mental health is my blog because it is very cathartic for me when  I share my experience, strength and hope with others through my writing.

My emotional must be maintained by having healthy relationships with my sisters, their husbands, my nieces and their children and families. I need to work at being better at calling my father who will be 79 in April. I work daily on my relationship with my husband of over 18 years along with his mother who love as though she were my own mother. Maintaining close relationships with my best friend Yoli and my friends the Sisters of The Holy Spirit, my other friends that I may not see often but we have been friends for 20 years now. I also need to maintain my relationships with my fellows in Alcoholics Anonymous. My most important relationship has got to be the one that I have with my Higher Power whom I choose to call God.  If I am working on all three of these along with my mental and physical health then every day I can state this with certainty “JUST FOR TODAY, I WILL REMAIN CLEAN AND SOBER!!!”

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!!

 

Fitness Word Map

The ranges of Physical Health

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The Wheel of Emotions

 

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Ranges of Mental Health

fowc

#FOWC – Health