#JusJoJan 2019 – Jan. 27th – Cathartic

cathartic2Cathartic” is defined as “providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis.” And catharsis is defined as “the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.”

As someone who has been suffering through a deep depression for over two years, being bipolar, recovering alcoholic and addict – I tend to cry, scream and I am very good at expressing my emotions. I wish it was as cathartic as psychologists say it is. Often times, it is just the opposite because nothing gets purged and the emotions just get worse.

I am in the middle of a situation with my priest Father Edvin Rodriguez of St. Cecilia Parish in San Antonio, TX  because of a difference of opinion. He feels he is the dictator of the church and judges individuals and continues to run people out of the church and I believe he is our priest, spiritual advisor and not the dictator of our parish. Today when he came into Mass, I tried to speak to him and he raised his hand and stated “I don’t want to speak to you!” When this happened, I again was immediately horrified and, disappointed and offended. This man does not know why I was coming to him, it could have been a spiritual issue that I needed help with. Mass for me today was very emotional because of this and I cried throughout because I am saddened by the way this priest behaves. Crying in mass was not cathartic at all, but I know that Christ is with me and I will continue to pray for this priest and the parish family.

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I have been told often that I am funny. When people say that to me it reminds me of one of my favorite lines in one of my most favorite movies – Goodfellas – 

Henry Hill: Tommy, your funny!

Tommy DeVito: I’m funny how? Funny, Ha-ha or funny looking? Funny how?

I bring this up because for me, my sense of humor has always been cathartic. If I can make people laugh because of my one liner and my fun craziness, then it takes away from the non-funny craziness going on in my head. I have some very close friends that when we are together, I do tend to be the loud one, the one who wants to be the center of attention. I have been that way since I was a little boy, all I ever wanted was to be paid attention to, and even now at the age of 52 – I still want to be paid attention to.

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Finally, this blog has become the most cathartic thing in my life. I can pour out my heart and soul in this blog. I can be serious and write about my depression, addiction, alcoholism and anything else going on in my life. But I can also be lighthearted and funny if I want to. I can share my thoughts on whatever is in “My Rattled Cage” at any given moment. I am blessed that others in the blogosphere read my posts and follow me. I was very excited this week when I finally made it to 50 followers of my blog. While I am happy that others read my work and some enjoy my work, I truly do write for me because I can get so much off my chest and out my head!! Thank you to my followers and to all who visit this blog!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

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#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 27th

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